Remembering SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

I have a case handled last 2005 during my clinical practice for my Master in Social Work. It's the case of a 27 year old, female student who delivered a baby and after three weeks the baby died. The cause of the infant's death was lack of oxygen and malnutrition and because the mother had hypertension when she was pregnant.

After her baby's death the mother keeps on crying and experienced extreme depression due to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

During my counseling session with her she keeps on telling me how she feels guilty about the death of her child and that no one should be blamed for the baby's death except she.

She recalls how she carried the child in her womb and how irresponsible she was at the that time.

I've spent half of the semester working with her and kept on listening to her stories repeated again and again. Most of the time she kept crying during our session for she cannot forgive herself.

She said that she kept her pregnancy hidden because she's scared to mention about this to her teacher because we already mentioned that it is not advisable that you are pregnant if you are a student. On my part at that time, I also feels guilty like it seems the rules are more important than life.

According to her, there are nights that she cannot sleep because in her dream she can see her child talking to her.

There are nights that she send text messages to me expressing her fear and grief over the child's death.

At that time, it is hard to emphatize with her but going back to that experienced right now, I can put my two shoes in her. I can feel now how difficult it is to be on her side and things was more clear to me.

If you lose a child there was a part of you that is taken away. Something that is very essential and you have no choice but to cry over it again and again but even if you will keep on doing it what remains is only the pain.

How you wish the SEED will grow but despite of that some seeds meant to die.

Maybe the soil was not yet ready. Maybe the caretaker as well. If the seed will grow in the wrong soil for sure it will just turn to be a bad crop.

Up to now, she still texting me but now she continues with her studies graduating soon in March. Her experienced made her stronger hopefully she was healed as she said.