Thank God it's November! I need only to wait for one-month and I will be home soon. I am thinking about going into nature and immerse myself, by then I can get much life. I wanted to go home, I don't see much life in Manila now. Most of the time, I get depressed with the weather like today, it's raining again soon there will be flood or maybe I don't see much life here. I only got much life when I went to the Manila zoo but if i stayed in my dorm like for the last two days, I get bored. Another reason is I saw so much life-less situation here like going to our dorm there was a family living in the "Padyak". Sometimes, I try to think are they happy with their life? Then, I said "maybe" because they love each other but the other side of my brain also tells me like if "love will keep us alive then, why are they dying?". I am pretty stupid, I had so much thinking. One of my friend said, when are you going to stop that business? Then, I replied "when I die".
Last November 1, I was thinking about my family because normally it's the time when our relatives from Baganga came to Davao to visit those who passed away, my father, my aunt and my cousin bogoy. I feel sad too but what I can do? this is my predicament. I just keep on reading, writing and sometimes crying over past hurts or feelings that I cannot just easily let go. Well, another thing that comes to my head are memories of the dead.
I remember two of my friends who died but up to now, in my mind they are still alive.
"A.k.a Borotoy"
I always remember him greeting me "Good morning Mam!" when I passed by the sari-sari store early morning or in the evening I was just surprised that in my back someone said "Good evening Mam!". Sounds like he was a very respectful guy buy actually most of our neighbor were scared of him. His very well-known notorious guy in our neighborhood. He stabbed a lot of men and his the leader in the gambling session. But I am not scared of him maybe because we had the same birthday or what I am thinking of, is there is nothing to be scared of. His a sweet person especially when he courted my friend. He often loved to sent her gifts and my friend said that she doesn't like him because maybe he got his money from stealing but it's very funny because she accepted the gift. He courted her for a long time, but he was so frustrated to learn that she had a relationship with a "T-bird" or "Transvestite". She doesn't like a man but a woman. Well, Borotoy is only his nickname, he got it from being a street boy, but his real name is Romanito which is not bad for him. His actually handsome but I think a person will be more handsome before he died. That night before he was stabbed, I saw him having his new hair-cut and then he greeted me and with my surprised to his new look, I gave comment like "you look more handsome today,you should always be like that so that Ms. N will like you "and he replied "I am always handsome". Then, the following morning, I heard the news that he was killed last night.
"KUYA JET"
His a street educator like me and also working as a volunteer. An athletic, healthy young man and full of life. We get acquainted in Paginhawaan Drop-In Center when I was working there as part-time. My former bf normally called him "Paring" but I just call him "jet" because for me his a jetsetter. He likes to pack his bag and travel. During our breaks, I love to talk to him because he has many stories about his trip to the mountain. He climbed Mount Apo for how many times and went to several caves. If you want to know about the jungle and life in the forest well his a man to ask. He always asked me favor to send regards to my girl friend "bet". He likes her very much, unfortunately my friend was engaged already. When I went back from Kazakhstan, we went to Canibad beach in Samal Island. There was jet and other street educators and we had our overnight. That was a very beautiful weekend because of the wonderful sunset and white sand beach. We took lots of photos and most of these shote were very funny! I can clearly recall "Jet" loves to pose for a pic which normally he was such a silent guy (his not very show off) his even very ashamed when they were asked to dance "mr. suave" before, but during that time he loves to have pictures. Then, he said "Mam, we should go to Mount Apo, that place was so closed to heaven". Actually, it's part of our plan before his death. But one-week after Canibad, I've learned that "Jet" had cardiac arrest while his waiting for a jeepney near the center. Very funny man! When I visited his wake, I told him, your very clever jet! You surprised me!
Up to now, I don't think they're dead, their faces seems so alive in my memory. So alive! When someone greets me "Good morning Mam!" I remember them always.
There are times, I get tired with my life especially when things are not doing well or I am just going back to the same experienced again. But I also learned that living is an ardous task. Life is difficult according to the roadless traveled book.
There are also times like I am thinking of? was it good to live longer or shorter? if jet lives shorter but if he already seize his time on earth then maybe he serves his purpose already
Well, whatever! I just can't forget them.
May their souls rest in peace and for those of us who are alive (Caspi Diem! Seize the day!)
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