Why a woman cries?

She cries because she feels
She cannot clearly explain why?
Do not ask?
Just listen and that is enough
She feels so much and sometimes do not think
For thinking and feeling may not be of the same thing
She cries when she don’t understand
She cries when she can’t find any response
You may think she’s very unreasonable
Call her idiot, call her weak
Think whatever you think she is
But crying is a remedy of her pain
Men often console her
Asking her to stop crying
They do not think that it is her release
Her only remedy in sharing her grief
For her, there’s no harm in crying
She can cry up to her last breath
As long as this can make her feel better
Expressing one’s emotion that can never be totally explained
If she stop crying, then it means she‘s ready to face the challenges
(To all women with a crying face but with a strong heart. Happy Women’s month!)

The sad state of mental health

I was asked to do a report in our ethics class regarding the topic on Mental Health and I think what I have find out is worth sharing in this blog. So let me just place here some parts of my presentation and let everyone reflect on the sad situation of mentally ill patients for no one will surely talk about their rights except us who are still capable of thinking.

Mental health – has been defined variously by scholars from different cultures.
Concepts of Mental health include the following:Subjective well-being, Perceived self-efficacy, Autonomy, Competence, Self-actualization of one’s intellectual and emotional potential.From cross-cultural perspective, it is nearly impossible to define mental health comprehensively.The World Health Organization defines mental health as a state of well-being that allows a person to realize his or her own abilities to cope with the normal stresses of life.

Mental health has been recognize by WHO since its origin and is reflected by the definition of health in the WHO constitution as “not merely the absence of disease or infirmity” but rather “ a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being”Mental Health Situationer

Global perspective:

Based from WHO Report 2001, Mental and behavioral disorders are estimated to account for 12% of the global burdens of disease while mental health budgets of the majority of countries constitute less than 1% of their total health expenditures.

More than 40% of countries have no mental health policy and over 30% have no mental health programme.Over 90% of countries have no mental health policy that includes children and adolescents. Mental health plan frequently do not cover mental and behavioral disorders at the same time level as other illnesses.

In the Philippines, up to one in five adult Filipinos have “psychiatric disorders" and more people are developing mental disorders due to “extreme life experiences". According to Dr Lourdes Ladrido-Ignacio, a former president of the Philippine Psychiatric Association, said between 17 to 20 percent of the country’s adult population have psychiatric disorders.About 10 to 15 percent of children aged 5 to 15 are believed to have mental problems.Ladrido-Ignacio also noted that in remote barrios without doctors, 50 percent of adults who consult at rural health centers were diagnosed to have some form of psychological illness.

The National Statistics Office’s 2000 disability ranked mental illness as the third most common form of morbidity, or type of disease, after visual and hearing impairments among Filipinos.The same survey showed that 88 Filipinos out of every 100,000 population with mental problems.The region with the highest prevalence rate of mental illness is Southern Tagalog at 132.9 cases per 100,000 population,
NCR at 130.8 per 100,000 population and Central Luzon at 88.2 per 100,000 population.

In 2004, a DOH-commissioned Social Weather Stations survey found that 0.7 percent of total Filipino households have a family member who has a psychological disorder such as depression, schizophrenia, epilepsy, and substance abuse.Oliveros said addressing mental illness as a public health concern remains as a challenge since there are only 400 licensed psychiatrists practicing in the country.

This detrimental scenario in mental health both global and local shows us why there are still so many mentally ill patients who were walking in the streets and remains unattended and neglected. However, because of their mental conditions they cannot demand for services for even some of their relatives already considered them outcast. Based on the study of WHO, one problem that needs to be address with regards to mental health is the concept of stigma which can be defined as a mark of shame, disgrace or disapproval which results in an individual being rejected, discriminated against and excluded from participating in a number of different areas of society. The WHO identified that stigma, discrimination and neglect have prevented care and management from reaching persons with mental disorders. Actually, stigma is more on personal level since many of us who lack knowledge about mental health will eventually just think that those who are suffering from this kind of illness should be isolated without even knowing that there are many people with mental disorder who are still functional but because of their high status in society they remained to be highly respected.

According to WHO there are so much things that needs to be done in order to address mental health concerns which includes the following recommendation:

1. Formulating policies designed to improve the mental health of populations

2. Assuring universal access to appropriate and cost-effective services, including mental health promotion and prevention services

3. Ensuring adequate care and protection of human rights for institutionalized patients with most severe mental disorders.

4. Assessment and monitoring of the mental health of communities, including vulnerable populations such as children, women and the elderly

5. Promoting healthy lifestyles and reducing risk factors for mental and behavioral disorders such as unstable family environments, abuse and civil unrest

6. Supporting stable family life, social cohesion and human development

7. Enhancing research into the causes of mental and behavioral disorders, the development of effective treatments, and the monitoring and evaluation of mental health system

Our very own DOH also come up with the following strategic thrust for 2005-2010

1. Strengthen advocacy and public information campaign on mental health

2. Establish database and information system preventive, family-focused and community oriented

3. Integration of mental health into the provision of other public health services nationwide

4. Develop model programs for prevention of substance abuse and risk reduction for mental illness

5. Develop a financial package

6. Advocate for positive health-seeking behavior

Actually, there are so many policies identified but what is crucial is the implementation. Since, the main subject of the discussion are mentally ill patients then they are not mentally capable of asking for what is right and due to them. I hope normal people like us especially those policy makers will do something. For me, those who are in mental institution were more helpless and disadvantaged but worse than the deaf and mute they cannot speak up for themselves.

I remember our tour last 2002 to Elsie Gaches village, Hospicio de San Jose and Malaya Center. My students and me witnessed how many clients were put into cage because of their worsen mental health condition because if they are allowed to get out, they will cause harm to others. If we feel pity to an animal who were in the cage, how much more for humans like them? Some clients also do not have families in Malaya center so it is assume that some of them will live and stay there forever. According to the social worker their families do not visit them.

I know that there are so many human rights issues that needs our focused but isn't it mental health is a human rights concern? I hope we will ponder on this.

References:

A Public Mental Approach to Mental Health – The WHO Report 2001 Mental Health: New Understanding, New Hope
World Mental Health, 1995 – Rober Desjalais et. Al.
Ethics in Psychology and the Mental Health Professions Gerald P. Koocher access at http://books.google.com/
4.http://www2.doh.gov.ph/noh2007/NOHWeb32/NOHperSubj/Chap4/MentalHMD.pdf

Unconventional Love

When I was teaching social work before, I have lesbian student who often seated at the back and even if you will ask her to come and occupy the seat in front she will refused because she said "she's not comfortable". She's very shy and seldom participated in the class discussion and most of the time enjoys being alone. Being her teacher, I asked her one time why is it she keeps on isolating herself? I told her that if you are planning to become a social worker then you much practice mingling with others so that you will learned to socialize. Then, she replied "actually Mam, I just took up this course because I don't know what course to take and I also want to understand myself but I don't have intention to graduate". Listening to her reasons, made me asked her then, "will you just let it be that way?" and then she gave me a response "Just give me time Mam, because, you know as of now I have lots of problems, I feel so unloved and I think no one really understand me".

So the days goes on,and since our subject is Introduction to Social Work we need to discuss Basic Ethical Principles of a Social Worker. The primary principle is "acceptance". This means that you need to accept your client as a person with inherent rights and dignity. Then, my students were discussing about "What if you have sexual hang-up? take for instance, you are homosexual or you are lesbian then, how will you learn to accept others when in fact, you have problems within yourself. The discussion continous like acceptance should start within you. Then, are you sure that other people will also accept you? Most of the students commented that in our society we have different treatment towards homosexual relationship then how will you deal with this?. There's so many questions which had been discussed but eventually since the principle is "acceptance" so it simply mean that if you are a person who cannot accept others for who and what they are therefore Social Work course was not meant for you.

It's a coincidence that it's valentines day also on that day, it's February 14, 2007

After the class my lesbian student approached me and asked if I can meet her somewhere to have a date on valentines. Actually, to be really honest, I was thinking she's asking me for a date on that day but since we had just discussed the principle of acceptance, I don't feel turning her invitation down or it will just lead her to think that I don't mean what I preached. So, I accepted her request to meet her in one of the fastfood at 2:00 pm in NCCC Davao.

So, when I arrived in the place, I saw her smiling and she told me "Mam, I'm glad you really came, I have surprised for you". Then, she asked me to sit down and wait for her to come. So, I just seated silently waiting for her surprised then she came back with a beautiful smile on her face with a sexy girl and then, they seated in front of me. She introduced the girl to me like "Mam, this is my girlfriend. I love her so much, but I can't bring her home although, I really want to marry her but since you told me about acceptance, I want her to meet you." It quite struck me, but I hold my emotions and breath and so, I shake hands with her girlfriend and after that she kiss the girl and hugged her as if she was so happy on what she had accomplished on that day. Then, we eat together and after that I left them and told then that they can continue with their date.

This is an experienced that struck me when I was teaching. I can't believe that beyond classroom we have so much influenced to our students even in their very personal life and they believed in us and they think that even if their parents will not accept them for sure we can understand them.

But beyond, what I saw on that day, I realized that love is itself was not purely exclusive for men and women but it can also be for other gender who longs respect and acceptance for their preferences.

I am still asking how many unconventional love was celebrated every valentines day. Then, how many are happy and satisfied with this arrangement?

So now, when I saw roses on the street I think about how many lesbian gave roses to their partners? and also how many gays received roses?

Well, I am so glad to have that kind of experienced in my life at least it teach me real things in this world. We are different but we have one desire. That is to love and be loved. No matter what they tell us?

My volunteer prayer

I AM THANKFUL
Kokshetau, Kazakhstan Tuesday, February 03, 2009

I wanted to write about all the good things that I received from this 26th year of existence and I wanted to thank my God for all of these things for I believed that it was not only me who did it by myself but something extraordinary hands leads me and guide me in this short life that I have:

I am thankful to extraordinary God for all the blessings that I have in this life. I know it was not only me who work hard every day in this life but there was someone who guide me and gives me so much strength.

I am thankful for my parents who showed me their failures and because of that I have learned hard lessons in life and promise to myself not to commit the same mistakes again. I am thankful for the courage, determination and kindness that I inherit from them. I am thankful for having them for despite of all their shortcomings they have shown me unconditional love.

I am thankful for my brother and sister for their love and care. I am thankful that even if they do not always send me message or call me, I know in my heart, that they love me.

I am thankful that I’ve met a lot of people in my life that helps me without thinking of something in return. I am thankful to those people who were there in the most difficult times in my life. I am thankful because they showed me that in this life relationship with people was more important than material gain.

I am thankful that I have many friends from different races and background for they showed me that despite differences in the human face we still shared some similarities and common dreams. Making this world a little bit better for all of us.

I am thankful because despite the fact that I was born with nothing, I do not feel much insecurity. Most of the time I feel blessed and that I have more to give than to receive.

I am thankful for the chance that God was given me to see the different sides of the world for he let me see the wonder and greatness of his creation.

I am thankful that even if I do not see God but he continuously and forever exist in my unconscious mind and my faith in him was much stronger than my earthly desire.

I am thankful because he showed me several times that in prayer there is hope and in despair there is strength. I am thankful for feeling at peace that I’ve got that he gives me in prayer.

I am thankful for all the people who hate me for they showed me the ugliness of hatred.

I am thankful for all people who loved me because they showed me that love is greater feeling than hate.

There are times that I feel disappointed, depressed, and lonely, uncared, unloved and feel like I have so many responsibilities that supposed not meant for me.

But I always remember my teacher who told me that if you have many blessing in life you have many responsibilities and I think with so many things in life in which I am thankful there is no reason that I should not accept my responsibilities.

So now, I am thankful.

(I wrote this article as a prayer when I was working as volunteer in Kazakhstan. I clearly recall that I wrote this during the cold winter in Kazakhstan when I have nothing to do but look outside my window filled with snow or as they said some people experienced this time winter depression),

"On Stage" - Reflections of PASINAYA festival and tribute to Lantaw Ondee Theater Group

PASINAYA FESTIVAL 2009

I have a very beautiful sunday since we went to Cultural Center of the Philippines and watched the opening of PASINAYA Open House Festival a show case of various theatrical, music, literature, film and visual art presentation of this year CCP 40th year anniversary.

My hunger for arts was really satisfied. First, we listened to the Chiang Kia Shek Choral group, most of the singers were chinese young girls and boys and hearing their angelic voices brings my soul to heaven with their great rendition of "Aleluya" it was more than attending a one-month mass because the singers were really had this powerful voices. But what is most memorable for me was when they sung the song "A girl from the North country" because we used to sing that song in Kazakhstan and I really love that part of the lyrics "She was once, a true love of mine". So beautiful!.

Then, we also watched in Star theater the Ballet Manila presentation about High school Musical. Wow! the dancers were really great! most especially the gay dancers were really amazing. There were two gay dancers and despite wearing high heels she/he can tip toe. So great!

Another funny presentation was the musical version of ZA sha Saturna with Eula Valdez as the lead character. It's also awesome!

The St. Benilde Romancion Dancers also caught my attention because their presentation struck me because I can't imagine how they dance like a birds using tip toe in a fast music and movements. Looking at them dancing gives me so much energy and inspiration. So energizing!.

After the festival I feel so alive again and highly energize well, what makes PASINAYA great was there are fifty shows and you will just choose which shows your going to watch for 30 minutes and so you have a tour to CCP complex in one day. Actually I feel on that day that day that my world is a grand theater. All my stress about thesis and other work really gone out of my consciousness. That is why I agree what is written at the back of Pasinaya brochure "Iba talaga pag may art sa buhay mo".

Tribute to Lantaw Ondee

"on stage", "lights on!", "occupy the space" and "the show must go on". These are theater jargon that I always heard everyday. Thinking about highschool days remind me always of Lantaw Ondee because half of my life was spent there and not in school work. At exactly six o-clock we must be in Balay Pasilungan for our daily rehearsal.

"Lantaw Ondee" is a children's theater created by Davao City Government through the Send a Street Child to School program. The name of the group was taken from two words "Lantaw" from bisayan dialect meaning "Vision" and "Ondee" from Badjao dialect "Ondee-ondee" which means "bata". This makes Lantaw Ondee a group for child's vision.

Not all street child can be qualified to become a member of the group, only those kids who passed the two months intensive theater training and those kids who were good in their academic performance. This means you need to balance your time between school and theater. But there are so many privileges given to Lantaw Ondee member first is the opportunity to visit various places in the city like best hotels like Marco Polo, Mandaya, Grand Menseng and resorts for free during presentation.

Lantaw Ondee also performed during opening ceremony of Araw ng Davao and Kadayawan Festival and also street dances. During the first Kadayawan festival it's Lantaw Ondee theater group which garnered the first prize and later won prizes during float parade.

I remember when I was still in the group we were having shows in the mall as well as in public schools. I think for every member what is unforgettable was when we stage play "oh! what a teardrop" in San Pedro Auditorium, Brokenshire College and Magsaysay Park together with Councilor Leo Avila acting as God. That is the reason we don't call him councilor but kuya leo instead because he was a part of Lantaw Ondee. His our God.

The group also showcase it's talent in local television and other advocacy related to children's rights and environment because the Philippine Foundation for Environment supported the group to advocate environmental issues. So, most of the dances of Lantaw Ondee are songs from Joey Ayala like Agila (The Eagle) and Bathala (God).

Being a member of this group for four years was one of the most happiest and funniest moment in my life and through that I forgot that I don't have a father because I've met there my surrogate parents like Papa P and other kuyas like Kuya R, Kuya I and kuya J and ate rose. I also feel that I have many brothers and sisters in the group because once we performed we take care of each other's needs like make-up and custome and watch out each other's movement.The group is a good instrument for socialization because we just think that everyday we are going to play.

Lantaw taught me many things like I have learned that when the "lights on" you need to focus on your role and forget about the rest including your emotional baggages.It's simply saying "focus".

The "element of space" is also crucial in theater because you have to conquer the space especially when you do solo performance. If you are a solo performer it means that you have all the power to make use of it but in theater normally the space includes other which you need to work with others in harmony.

"Curtain call" reminds me always of time and there is time for everything which means given that limited time you have to deliver your line.

Finally, the "show must go on" is a learning point that whatever happens you have to perform as plan which is clearly based on your script or if you forget your lines you have to "ad lib". In this situation, you will learn spontaneity, fast thinking and reading between the lines.

I left Lantaw Ondee after highschool because I am not a child anymore and then we trained second liners through holding of Art Camp and then DIECT (Drama and Education and Children's Theater) Workshop but when the program was turned over to CSSDO (City Social Services and Development Office) Lantaw Ondee eventually dies.

Now, most of the members were professionals and the rest pursue their artistic work like JM and went to other country to perform. I think theater was very helpful tool for street children transformatin because in stage play and workshops they can freely expressed their buried emotions which social workers cannot easily get in their counseling session.

What is good about theater? is the fact that it's a total performing arts and it's encompassing music, dance, visual art, puppet, acting and the child needs not to master one material but just taste everything which makes a person multi-talented that wherever you put him or her for sure he/she can survived with so many talents that person has but now programs focused only in one thing like making crafts.

When, I started being academician that part of me subsides because an artist is free but in the academe everything was structured and they are not complimentary. But sometimes, I integrate it in the classroom like art review competition for my gender subjects but actually in the academic field only few appreciate an art because maybe they have never gone through such experienced. It's because most academic person thinks that art is a waste of time. Actually, for a non-artistic person art is quite useless because only an artist can make sense of an artistic environment. The waste of the human world can be an art for a person with talent in arts.

When I watched stage presentation like PASINAYA or in Kazakhstan it reminds me of Lantaw Ondee days especially my funny friend "Juan" although he died now. How I wish we can replay things again but for sure only in our memory but that night we played on stage was a wonderful memory that makes me laugh unknowingly sometimes.

That's why despite of hardships I just think that my life is like a theater.

Oh! my God!

Last week, I was hosting this professional chair lecture forum about Men having sex with Men or simple known as MSM. According to PDI article last December 1, 2008, MSM is now very common in the Philippines and even one of the leading cause of widespread of HIV/AIDS. Respondents of this study are from Cebu City and the main purpose of this research is to find out how this men having sex with men came up with a decision of not having sex anymore. The study highlighted factors which affected mens decision? and also those turning point in their life or as used by the research "proximal life changes?" for them to really stop.

Actually, this is one of the very interesting research lecture I have attended. The study was authored by Dr. Lee and I believed it is more helpful for program planners to consider other initiatives in crafting effective intervention for HIV/ AIDS aside from advocacy. The main finding showed that the family or a loveone is an important factor that leads MSM to end it's activity which is logical that if someone has a strong relationship with an opposite sex then they will not resort into having sex with men. In some way, this is insulting for women knowing that their partner exchange them with men but whether women will accept it or not there are really so many men right now having this kind of relationship with fellow men. I know that when a woman finds out that her boyfriend had this kind of relationship, her first initial reaction will be "OMG!" but it's now commonly practice based from this study.

After the lecture several questions from the students were raised but what surprised me was most of their querries were not really centered on MSM but these are basic questions about HIV/AIDS. Take for instance, one participant asked about the origin of AIDS? like, is it really true that it's monkey that causes AIDS? or if we have sex with monkey we can have AIDS? or Can we get AIDS in public toilet? Well, definitely the answer to question like this is "NO!" and I was surprised that how come these young people were not aware about these things when in fact there are so much information about it in the internet or there are many NGO's now especially here in Manila that talk about it during WORLD AIDS Day or other forum.

The more we are astonished by their reactions when the lecturer flash those slides about sexually transmitted diseases since their common responses are "oh!my God!". Like, it seems to me that it's only their first time to watch those kinds of pictures. Well, when we discussed with my classmate about the student reactions we tried to rationalize that maybe most of them came from catholic schools, or maybe they know but just to pretend that they do not about this so they reacted that way but I can't help to think that an 18 year old college students does not know that monkeys are not the cause of AIDS and yet knows how to have sex because if that is the case then it is really "OH!MY GOD!"

As in facilitating this forum, I can also react like "oh, my God! please don't blame the monkey. But anyway, maybe there is really a gap in our advocacy here or maybe out of hypocrisy students overacted that way or maybe they know but just to cover up themselves that they are innocent about this things so they did act like "OMG!Next slide please" or maybe our advocacy does not reach them? or it fails to reach them?

Well, if really these young people do not have much knowledge about how HIV/AIDS WAS transmitted and they are sexually active for sure it is really "OMG!" because they are vulnerable to this infection. After the forum, I told them that we really hope they have learned something so that next time they will not blame the monkeys anymore.Then, some of them are laughing but it is also another point of reflection for HIV/AIDS advocates that maybe we are thinking that we have gone far in our advocacy but the truth is there are still many people who do not have knowledge about it take for instance these group of young people.

It is a call for us to again revisit our HIV/AIDS advocacy and is it really imparted in Social Science Curriculum because even if it is embedded in the curriculum but if teachers do not want to talk about it in their classroom it is still not helping them to learn.

I think we cannot always blame "God" for the widespread of Sexually Transmitted Diseases or for contracting HIV for the concrete thing to do is to discuss about it openly and discuss it in an open environment. We should not be hypocrite about it because one of the findings in a research on Filipino sexuality conducted by UP showed that young people in the Philippines are sexually active. Then, we lack knowledge about it well it is really a big "OMG!"

So to be able to help here I added in this blog basic history of HIV/AIDS because I also do not want to be a part of "OMG Team" since after working with HIGALA association my history now is quite obsolete so let's review it again.

AIDS Timeline source: AVERT - an international AIDS charity at http://www.avert.org/aids-timeline.htm

Before 1970s HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) probably transfers to humans in Africa between 1884 and 1924 HIV probably enters Haiti around 1966

1970s HIV probably enters the United States around 1970
African doctors see a rise in opportunistic infections and wasting
Western scientists and doctors remain ignorant of the growing epidemic

1981 AIDS is detected in California and New York
The first cases are among gay men, then injecting drug users

1982 AIDS is reported among haemophiliacs and Haitians in the USA
AIDS is reported in several European countries

The name “AIDS” – Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome – is created
Community organisations in the UK and USA promote safer sex among gay men

1983 AIDS is reported among non-drug using women and children
Experts become more confident that the cause of AIDS is infectious
Three thousand AIDS cases have been reported in the USA; one thousand have died

1984 Scientists identify HIV (initially called HTLV-III or LAV) as the cause of AIDS
Western scientists become aware that AIDS is widespread in parts of Africa
The world's first needle exchange program is set up in Amsterdam, the Netherlands

1985 An HIV test is licensed for screening blood supplies
AIDS is found in China, and has therefore been seen in all regions of the world

1986 More than 38,000 cases of AIDS have been reported from 85 countries
Uganda begins promoting sexual behaviour change in response to AIDS

1987 AZT is the first drug approved for treating AIDS
The UK and other countries act to raise awareness of AIDS

1988 The American government conducts a national AIDS education campaign
Health ministers meet to discuss AIDS and establish a World AIDS Day

1990 Around 8 million people are living with HIV worldwide, according to estimates made later

1991 Thailand launches Asia’s most extensive HIV prevention programme

1993 AZT is shown to be of no benefit to those in the early stages of HIV infection

1994 AZT is shown to reduce the risk of mother-to-child transmission of HIV
Infant HIV infections begin to fall in developed countries, due to use of AZT

1995 The Joint United Nations Programme on AIDS (UNAIDS) is established

1996 Combination antiretroviral treatment is shown to be highly effective against HIV. In developed countries, many people begin taking the new treatment
Annual global spending on AIDS in low- and middle-income countries is $300 million

1997 AIDS deaths begin to decline in developed countries, due to the new drugs
Brazil is the first developing country to begin providing free combination treatment
In other developing countries, only a tiny minority can access treatment for HIV
Around 22 million people are living with HIV worldwide, according to estimates made later

2000 President Thabo Mbeki of South Africa voices support for AIDS dissidents

2001 At a UN Special Session, world leaders set long-term targets on HIV/AIDS

2002 The Global Fund is established to boost the response to AIDS, TB and malaria
Botswana begins Africa’s first national AIDS treatment programme

2003 AIDS drugs become more affordable for developing countries
The “3 by 5” campaign is launched to widen access to AIDS treatment
The first AIDS vaccine candidate to undergo a major trial is found to be ineffective

2004 America launches a major initiative called PEPFAR to combat AIDS worldwide
After much hesitancy, South Africa begins to provide free antiretroviral treatment

2006 Circumcision is shown to reduce HIV infection among heterosexual men
28% of people in developing countries who need treatment for HIV are receiving it
Annual global spending on AIDS in low- and middle-income countries is $8.9 billion
It is estimated that $14.9 billion would be needed for a truly effective response

2007 Around 33 million people are living with HIV, according to revised estimates
Another major HIV vaccine trial is halted after preliminary results show no benefit

Can you buy me love?

I wish love is also for sale in the shopping malls that everytime you go in SM Malls you can just get one for yourself.

I was just born romantic maybe this is the result of reading all those fairy tales stories from cinderella to sleeping beauty and I was conditioned to believe that for every woman there was a prince. But this use to be before when I considered myself young but now that I am getting a little bit older I am saying goodbye to those stories and who created them for children (it must be advised that they should not believed everything that they've read or sometimes it's good to say "Too much reading and believing is dangerous to your health") sounds like sarcastic but I am just getting more realistic now than before.

Well, I still believe in that very powerful four letter words L-O-V-E the makes the world go round and keep us alive. But, there are times that I am into thinking that if you ever find it, it seems that it is not meant for you.

I've found it once. I thought it's real. I even believed that it is so real that when I opened my eyes to reality I've discovered that it was not meant for me instead it just make my eyes just getting red and can't help myself from crying.

it takes me so long to get over such feeling (i don't even want to pursue my ambitions anymore) but later i've found out that loving someone doesn't mean you must have them because even if they are not yours, your love doesn't end up there.

yeah, Celine Dion was right in singing the theme of titanic "My heart will go on" but we should always keep in mind that by the time she's singing this song, titanic sank and that is the dangerous! Sometimes when we're in love we are drowning in the emotions that we thought we will never feel it anymore and we really want to die for it, thinking that in the end it can save us.

Well, call me pessimistic now, but really loving other people too much makes us vulnerable and it hurts our emotions that we forget to love the most important person "Our Self".

We should shop sometimes loving other people and give love for ourselves instead.Give ourselves a great hug and at the same time a big kiss. I know, it's not good to be narcisstic but in times of brokenness. I really advise it to people.

As just John Gray said "Your love tank must be full for you to give love to others".

It's because we cannot buy love in stores.

"Her Legacy"

She may not be an educated woman but she always said that it is better for a person to know nothing than to become disrespectful. She always reminded me that if you are an educated person you must show higher respect to other people. Sometimes, she will relate her story when she was a child how she struggled to finish elementary, she worked in a hacienda for four days and then went to school for one day but she still she's able to get an honor during recognition day. How she wish to have higher education but she bear to see her mother working alone to find food for her other siblings. SHE WAS A ; CHILD LABORER. Thus, she decided to work as a housemaid at 12 and gave all her income to her mother. She bought a land and called it her home.

She may not be the most elegant person. She lives with simplicity. Her spirit was very cool. I never heard her shouting or yelling to her children. She always show to us how to communicate in a humane way. She was not afraid if she did not dressed up well for according to her beauty is not within our dress but within our heart.

She always said that we do not have slaves so we should work for ourselves. We should treat everyone as we would like to be treated.

According to her it is good for man to dream but if reaching your dreams mean sacrificing other people's interest it may be good for you to stay where you are.

She has many friends and considered them her treasures.

She many not have everything, she desired in this world but she always said there is no reason for us to blame anyone or blame God for whatever fate we have right now.

I believed in her. I believed in everything she teaches because I know it is coming from her life experience and I believe that this lessons are real and not what she read.

Her life is like a book for me.

She give me a lifetime legacy.

SHE IS MY MOTHER.

Advance Happy Mother's Day. How I wish I could join you but not now. Maybe soon.

"I am my Father's child"

I would like to pay tribute to my father since last April 17 was his birthday. I always remember my father since as I child he was the one who took care of me when my mother will sell vegetables.

If my father will see me now, I know that he will be happy because I always follow his examples.

He always said to us "do not keep treasures on earth, for this place is not our home". I always remember this line from him. He was a man of conviction whatever he says, he will do it.

After 10 years of not being able to walk after he lose his foot, he regained his strength, he worked and serve God. We are not materially rich but my father says "we are rich in faith!"

But despite, of all his good intentions as a preacher, some people were not happy to see him in the church, thus, when my father was elected as President of our chapel, the president gets envy with him, took away his bible and then asks him to stop from being the "Pangulo sa Liturhiya". My father was insulted by this person, humiliated and I cannot even think how a person who declares herself as servant of God can do it to my father.(But, later on this person suffered too, she died from diabetis then she lose her hand as well as her feet)

My father left his work in the Chapel but he never stop praising God. Until my father got cancer and become bedridden for 2 months but I never saw my father complaining to God on what fate brings to him.

"Everything happens for a reason and we should not be afraid to stand on what believe is true as long as we know this is what God teaches us."

My father may not be rich but the time my father dies our chapel seems like having a fiesta, all the bible reading did not stop nor the prayers for him. Now, I understood what is important in life? it is not the treasures on earth but what we can get after we leave this place.

"THIS PLACE IS NOT OUR HOME".

I should not be worried to where I should go for anyway all of us will just pass this place.

WANTED "MR. MATHEMATICS"

To give a proof to that? I did not count the change of my money. I just put it directly to my wallet. I also do not like anything that comes with calculations and computations but I am financially good. I know how to save with my only rules don't buy what you don't need.

This hatred with mathematics started with my very terror math school teacher (i just hope that she's alive today for her to read this blog) who happens to give an assignment to our class which is memorize multiplication table but unfortunately on that day I was absent because I was a sickly and absentee child during elementary days so on the following day when I attended our class, everybody knows the multiplication table except me. Very poor Amelyn. It was one of the bad day! I was one of the unfortunate who never had an idea what to do? the rule of the game is if you give a correct answer , you step forward and when you don't know the answer you stay put. I never move from my place up to the end of the class and my math teacher scolded me as if she wants to tell me your such an idiot. well, up to this time, i was never been motivated to study math even if i already finish my master. I don't really care with number. I've got serious trauma on that day. Then, never, ever study math.

well, i am not saying it is an excuse but maybe i was just so stubborn. i have this attitude if i hate something or someone then i put a mark on my head. YOUR X!. it is not good but my mind works like that because I am a kind of person who will give everything up to the time I will be bankrupt but once I give up. There is no point of turning back.

Going back to math. Only now, that I quite recover because I realized that I really need to study this subject because it is needed especially tomorrow that I will have my final exam in Statistics. Oh my God! pls. help me. Anticipating tomorrow exam will make me call all the saints from heaven, earth and the terrestial and not only St. John de Baptist de La Salle. But in fairness to my teacher here she's really good. I've learned to appreciate stat subject than before despite of the headache it gives me. I was even thinking to study it more this sem break. This is not a serious joke but a commitment to make.

Not, because I am desperate not to find a man who is good in math who can save me from this hell in mathematics but because I tend to learn I can't live in the academic world especially if I want to venture into research field without understanding math. How, I wish later on I can explain in my paper some words like "this is significant at .05 level" di ba charing! or "probability" oh, my God I still need to study Chi Square tonight.

Well, goodluck Amelyn. It is a tough job. I just hope that I cannot recall my school teacher face again when I study math. anyway, I already forgive her.

"Mingaw ko sa Mindanao" (I miss Mindanao)

Halos araw-araw makikita ko sa balita, front page sa Inquirer na Giyera na naman sa Mindanao. Mukha ng mga batang umiiyak, mga rebelde o sundalong namamatay, o kung ano pang katakot-takot na larawan para ipakita ang kaguluhan sa Mindanao. Kaya sa mga tao sa Maynila pag narinig nila ang salitang Mindanao akala nila totoo lahat ang nasa tv, dyaryo at isip nila parating magulo.

Nalibot ko na halos ang Mindanao mula sa Surigao, Butuan, Cagayan, Sultan Kudarat, General Santos, Baganga, Manay at Cotabato. Tama magulo ngayon sa Mindanao pero kung balikan ko uli ang ala-ala ng Mindanao hindi siya magulo kundi isang paraiso.

Sabi ng Papa ko dati kaya daw tinawag na Lupang Pangako ang Mindanao dahil sa yaman ng kalikasan na kahit sino ay pwedeng mamuhay dito. Kaya nga sa kasaysayan ang mga taong galing sa ibang lugar na lumipat sa Mindanao ay ayaw ng bumalik sa pinanggalingan nila dahil alam nila na masagana ang buhay sa Mindanao. Tamad lang yata ang di mabubuhay sa Mindanao.

Mayaman ang Lupa, walang bagyo at marami pang bagay ang hindi nakikita sa Mindanao dahil ang nakikita lang atin ay Gulo. Ang Naririnig lang natin ay Giyera. Ang nararamdaman lang natin ay takot kaya pag naririnig natin ang salitang Mindanao wala tayong magandang larawang nabubuo sa isipan. Pero sa aking gunita ang Ganda ng aliwagwag falls (150 steps), baybayin ng Saranggani, mga vanishing islands at white sand beaches, it's a paradise!

Pero sana pag-isipan din natin bakit magulo ang Mindanao. Sino ang dahilan ng gulo? Ang mga nanirahan ba dito? O sadyang may gumagawa ng gulo? Di ba't dahil maraming gustong magmamay-ari nito? Di lang Muslim, di lang Pilipino kundi mga dayuhan.

Hindi matatapos ang giyera kasi maraming mga tao na handang ipaglaban ang lupang tinubuan nila.

Sana irespeto na lamang ito.

Ang Mindanao ay para sa taga-mindanao sila ay Pilipino rin kasi ang Mindanao ay nasa Pilipinas.

Kahit ano pang gulo ang ilarawan sa isipan ko. Alam ko na parating "mingaw ko pirmi sa Mindanao" sa totoong paraiso.

TOO MANY! TOO POLLUTED (WELCOME TO POPULATION STUDIES!)

Last thursday, we've met our professor in Population Studies which I can described as very animated, somewhat funny! lively! and her strong voice surely will arouse your interest. One of my classmate commented "artista naman ang isang to".

The first question she asked all of us "Is population studies a lively discussion or a threat?"

Then, all students were asked about their opinion. When my turned came. I said maybe it will be a threat if we talked about preparing war to countries with a very huge population like China because you do not just declare war with that country and even the world" then my teacher replied. Yeah! what a lively discussion. I really laughed after her response, but yeah! talking about population is a sort of very interesting topic.

Especially for a country like the Philippines which was known as top producer of babies and we embark on human labor export. I remember one time when someone asked me why you have so many people in the Philippines where in you have only islands and then I replied well I think it's because anything will live in that country and they can survive the whole year even if they do not have work. I think our streets are extension of our houses because for sure in cold countries you cannot sleep in the street because you will die in such a cold winter. But here, we just sleep anywhere. We are so bless having such a friendly environment.

But I think our government is also quite strategic of declaring war for by no means it is one of way of controlling population. It is so ironic like we keep on saying that we are pro life! but the war in Mindanao was going on for a long time. It seems that we also pro war!

We had discussed also on our first meeting historical background of population studies from ancient time up to the present. Of course, there are pro's and cons and a continous argument arise like is it beneficial to have many people or is it more of disadvantage. The answers will vary and it also depends on the country.

My personal argument will be, It is good to produce more humans as long as we are also thinking of the quality of humans. I've read somewhere sex is a trade of genes, so if we think we cannot produce good genes then why are we proliferating bad products. Is it not enough that we have seen our protege? for just once. I doubt why a lot of Filipinos like to see so many children with the same faces. I just hope that a new technology will be invented where in, when you have pre-natal check-up you can already see the actual face of your child so that the parents will be scared of not producing more. Are they not also tired of looking of the same faces of their children? The worst thing is we can just let them see the world but they can never appreciate the beauty of it. Well, maybe that is the reason why I hate Manila because it is so congested. Too many people on the streets which created noise pollution. In addition to that it is hard to discipline all of them. Too many people for sure is not environmental friendly.

I am interested to learn more on population studies with the kind of professor who is 63 years old but acting like in her 20's for sure it will be a lively discussion.

“The price of Memory”

What if I woke up one day and then I cannot remember what happen yesterday? What if I cannot recall the names of my parents and other significant people in my life? Then, even if I will look at some photographs, I cannot make sense of what I saw? Nothing comes back to me. I suffered memory loss. These are the things that comes to my mind while listening to a series of lectures about the causes and effects of dementia to a person during the 2nd ADAP National Congress on Dementia Prevention last September 18 to 21, 2008 at Manila Hotel and the battle cry is “Ayaw naming Makalimot”.



In my own a opinion, for a person to live normally we must have a good memory because this will give us meaning to our daily existence but when facts are presented how problems of dementia affected several people. I think the statistics are quite alarming. It was projected that in 2110 Most Older adults sixty-two years in above have fear of losing their mental capacity. In the lecture of Ma. Socorro C. Martinez – President of ADAP (Adult Cognitive Health Initiative) entitled “Dementia on the Rise; No time to lose”. She mentioned that 60% of people with dementia live in the developing country and there is 24.3 million suffering Dementia and 4.6 million are new cases. In Asia Pacific it is estimated that 13.6 million suffered dementia as of 2005 and in the Philippines it was estimated that 11.5% older adults have dementia. She also presented in her lecture about Policy Changes and Framework in order to address this sickness and here’s her findings: Limited Awareness on Dementia since many were not aware about the disease, Dementia is natural part of aging so there are no enabling laws in order to address the disease, Inadequate Human and Financial Resources to address the disease and Inadequate Training for Professional Care givers and Lack of Support of Family Care givers.



But what is dementia? In a lay man’s term we call it “pagkaulyanin” in Tagalog or “Gi-ango-ango” in Bisaya” but these are discriminatory terms to aged people since we are thinking that growing old also means that we are progressing into memory loss. It is only quite accepted in developing countries because in western societies normally when people grow older their memory becomes even sharper and vivid. No wonder at the age of sixty many of them can write a book or become specialist in their own field but in our country older person will end up idle for their children to be taken cared off as they become dependent to their children. When I visited Golden Acres before most social workers are having difficulty working with their clients because many of them cannot provide actual information and this leave them dependent to the welfare institution until they die.





As I’ve learned from the conference Dementia refers to a complete memory loss but primary cause of the disease was still quite unknown. It was introduced by Dr. Alzheimer from Germany. According to various medical experts during the conference the disease was attributed to a poor cognitive function and even related to the problems of diabetes and hypertension. If a person suffered hypertension then there is a tendency that he or she will develop dementia in later part of life. Dr. Peter Rabin from University of Chicago stressed out the importance of prevention to address dementia. He highlighted in his lecture about the value of exercise especially aerobic exercise that can really help in preventing the disease and also a continuous education because in his studies conducted it was found out that it is hard to detect dementia among people who are continuously educated.



Given all these facts and information from various experts we can make conclusions that those people living below poverty line are also mostly the projected victims of the disease. Since in the Philippines 70% of the Filipinos are poor so we can anticipate that there will more people who will eventually suffered this disease since many were suffering diabetes, hypertension and added by poor education and lack of exercise. As presented by various studies during the conference, Alzheimer’s disease was one of the top ten leading causes of death in the country.



Questions now need to be addressed like how are giving attentions to this disease? What are our preventive measures? What Social Security or safety nets of the government to support patient with Dementia? How ready is Social Security System or Government Insurance System for Dementia? How we address the social effects of dementia in our society?



On my personal reflection, I am sad that if we cannot prevent dementia, time will come that we cannot remember anything. I think that another most beautiful thing God gives to us humans is our memory but if we lose it then what makes us differ with the lower species? Is it not good that when we grow older we can tell stories to our children how we live our lives before and give them insights on what can they do to the present. Having such photographic memory is essential and so we have to work hard to preserve it now prior to losing it in the end.

DEVELOPMENT FOR THE THIRD WORLD(The Battle between David and Goliath)

Theme: The impact of development is good for the Third World countries like Philippines – Issue paper



Is there any development in the third world country? Are we going to equate development with the skyscrapers, mobiles phones, faster internet service or other modern facilities? Most people who never had background in social science will definitely say there is so much development around us and actually we are enjoying it right now. Somewhat true, but actually in real essence we really do not taste the true spice of development.



Before going further, let me quote some definitions of development taken from various sources according to BBC “development means improvement in a country’s economic and social conditions”. More specifically, it refers to improvements in ways of managing an area’s natural and human resources in order to create wealth and improve people’s lives. Since it is hard to measure development geographers develop some measurement in order for us to view development in two ways: one is economic development and the other is human development.



The second definition of development is taken from the site of about.com psychology which describes “development as the growth of humans throughout the lifespan, from conception to death.” This includes all of aspects of human growth, including physical, emotional, social, perceptual and personality development.



The third definition was taken from the classical definition of UN World Commission on Environment and Development in 1987 which specifically stated that “development must be sustainable and when we speak about sustainability it means that we meet the needs of the present without compromising the ability of the future generations to meet their own needs.”



Among the three definitions of development it is very clear that development encompasses not only the growing economy or improvement of facilities, high-rise building or modern technology but more so it refers to holistic human development and sustainability.



Before I will provide response if there is any development in the third world countries like the Philippines, let me go back to historical account that will help us better understand what is this so called “development” for us to know if this is really meant for us. Do we have the right to claim that we are taking part of this development?



POST-COLONIAL DEVELOPMENT STRATEGY



I have learned from my readings of Evelyne Hong issue paper entitled Globalization and the Impact on Health A third world View – Post-Colonial Development Strategy that there is what we so called Post-Colonial Development Strategy.



Her paper stated that “Imperial policies” and the market enterprise did not end with colonialism: it was given new name with “Development”. After the independence of the colonized countries the Third World states became tied to the world system of trade, finance and investment with the TNCs (Transnational Corporations) in the forefront of economic order. According to her to enable the newly independent states to catch up with their former colonial masters, it was believed that economic development was the answer. This is panacea for the major ill of the Third World was foisted on the latter in no time.



Several Aid programmed in the form of “Development Aid” from the rich Northern countries and the World Bank (WB) and commercial banks, including foundations (like Ford and Rockefeller) and research institutions all played a major significant role in the adoption of a development model imposed from the North.



The WB-promoted post colonial model advised Third World nations to plant more commodities for export which lead to oversupply, lower prices, falling terms of trade, environmental degradation and increasing poverty.



According to her one of the most significant development in the western development strategy in the postwar era was the commercialization of the Third World agriculture through the Green Revolution (GR). This GR replaced indigenous agriculture with modern agriculture; it led to the use of the yielding seed varieties leading to a loss of indigenous rice and wheat varieties; the contamination of soils and water systems from the use of pesticides, chemical fertilizers and modern irrigation systems and dependence on modern machinery and technology.



Given all this account of Post-Colonial Development strategy the author concluded that colonial rule and post war development strategies played a significant role in the underdevelopment of the Third World. This resulted in serious social malaise and ill health for the majority of the people. This development model has led to increasing polarization of the North and South (and within countries in the North and South as well).



IS THERE ANY DEVELOPMENT FOR THE THIRD WORLD?



I don’t want to go farther to other countries because even in the Philippines it is highly obvious that development was an abused word especially by politicians in order to win votes during election.



Some may say look at Manila as an example of development. But isn’t it showing us development? But maybe we have to ask again what development we are talking about? Do we really understand the word from its original meaning?



We have high rise building but how many people are on the streets? We have modern facilities for transportation but we still have traffic. Pollution, environmental degradation, soil erosion and now here’s flood and sudden climate change. These are clear evidences that we’re able to neglect important aspect of development which is human development.



If we look around us, we can see how our agricultural lands were converted into banana, pineapple and African palm oil. It is ironic that we experienced rice crisis were in fact International Rice Research Institute was established here in the Philippines teaching technology to other countries how to plant rice.



In exchange they send us their modern technology but the question is how many of us can afford it? What an average Filipino can afford to buy are surplus products of appliances and even clothes that were used by people in the First World.



We are a dumping ground of garbage. They enjoyed the best and quality products from our country while we are having feast with their waste.



Despite of our growing GNP and GDP we’re still owe billions of money from the World Bank? Our government set up policies in order to accommodate the standards of the IMF/WB so it leads us to lose our own control over our economy, social services and national policy.



Actually we lose this control from the very beginning because it is for a fact that development was set not by us, but it was already prepared by those highly industrialized countries. What we ought to do is only to follow the scripted agreement.



I will always remember Pres. Ramos in his political banner before “Philippines 2000”. A dream that by the time we reach the year 2000 we will be more progressive country and will be an economic tiger in Asia. But it is already 2008 now and where is this development he is talking about?



There will be only true development if we will be able to craft for our own developmental goals just like China or other countries. But we are only a country which only participates in the game of globalization and modernization which we really know from the very beginning that we are in the losing end so therefore development is not for us but we are just victims of development.

The worse thing our government was doing right now is to venture into human labor export which eventually leads us to brain drain. We are making our maids into super maids and instead of making our education responsive to the needs of our country we are training our people to become nurse of the world. We provide service to first world countries in the form of Overseas Filipino Contract Workers whom we called heroes.



I am not against development but I am anti-post developmental strategy or any development that will destroy our national identity. I am not in favor with development that is not rooted on the felt needs of our people. The needs of the west are not the same with the need of the south. Although, it is good that we are sharing information but it is not also good that we already neglect our own selves.



I do not believe that development happens if we are just mere recipient of it. We must be active planner of our own development.



Not everything that grows is helpful. It depends on what growth are we talking about. Like for instance if in our body if there is particular part that abnormally grows it might be diagnosed as cancer.



I am only for development as long as this upholds the criteria of sustainability which again sets we do not sacrifice the need of the next generation for us to meet the needs of the presence and if development will truly enhance the quality of life of human beings.



As long as it will consider the needs of the people in the Third World and it will put high regard to their culture, tradition and preservation of the environment. Then, this is development.

Living a Chaotic Life

Our discussion last night in Health and Social Science subject was all about Complexity theory. It's so fascinating to think about that in order to understand the order of the universe you have to think in a more complex way and you can only do this by using a more complicated lens. The world is so complex that you cannot just look at it in one lens or thinking of it in a linear relationship but you have to see in a more multifactorial causes.

Anyway, our professor cited the importance of complexity theory in understanding health aspects that you need not only to focus on the health attractors but also on social attractors. Complexity theory basically deals with systems, chaos, adaptation and attractors.

After all the discussions, I realized that it's really true that in order for us to know the rule of the universe we have to accept that complexity is already part of our system. Some people will just to simplify things but no matter how you simplify you have to accept that things are just complex in itself.

I love last night discussion especially when our teacher used the wheel of the ship as an analogy of how we are using complexity theory. According to her in the midst of the storm if you are using the wheel as your handle you don't know the direction but of course you know that you are moving to a particular direction that will tell you later on that you are moving on. The storms are the complixity in this world or we can even identify this as our dissipative structures.

Another strand of complexity theory is the chaos theory which says that in our lives there is always a disorder but it's normal because disorder will definitely lead to order and to disorder again and later to order. It's a natural cycle.

I can identify myself and the life I am living to chaos theory. Most of the time, I was thinking I was already living a normal life but later things becomes problematic or complicated. Like this year, I was thinking before that after I will finish my master in social work I will already settled but see things becomes complicated (there was a disorder) so I left the place of my work with uncertainty and then later a little bit order came in when I accepted the scholarship. I was thinking I can find my peace already until another disorder came in (my secret) but of course, this theory promise for order again. My realization goes farther than that since I was a kid I encountered so many complexities.

I am scared before of complexity (that's the reason I never left my bf for five years because I am scared of complications) Maybe because I was brought up by my mother to live in simple way of life but last night discussion I realized that I am living a chaotic life (but now, I am not scared of it).

Our professor said that it takes a transdisciplinary person to understand complexity theory. Now, I am not afraid if my life is chaotic for after all I want to be transdisciplinary. A person who can view things in different perspectives.

PERSONAL TIPS TO PASS THE BOARD EXAM

ENote: I want to dedicate this blog to all those who will take the board exam for social workers this year and also those who are still planning. This is my own opinion on how to pass the board exam if this will work for you then fine but if not then what can I do? But as for me, this really works. So here's my simple tips.

1. READING IS IMPORTANT. Keep on reading sw materials from basic to complicated materials. Whether what you read will be given in the board exam, it doesn't matter anyway you don't lose anything by reading those stuff if you can't use them right now, you still can use them by time you will employed. Social Work as a profession entails a lot of reading and there's so many things you have to read not just the books of Thelma Lee Mendoza or Leonora De Guzman but of course never escape them for these are our bible until you are planning to publish one to replace them then you can escape them.

2. ANALYZE CAREFULLY QUESTIONS AND WORDS THAT YOU WILL ENCOUNTER DURING THE BOARD EXAM. Analysis first include capacity to think. Asking questions why should be my answer is letter A, or whatever choices you will have. If you cannot justify that answer then, think again until you are sold out that's the best answer for that item. Sometimes, answers are already in the question statement so you just need to think of it's synonyms or similarity with the choices.

3.RELAX WHEN YOU TAKE THE EXAM. People who are prone to nervousness or thinking in advance, cramming, predicting things that are actually not true are those who will be candidate in failing the exam. I've heard a lot of stories of my friends who do not have anything in their mind except the word "Exam is Difficult, maybe I can't make it". This created so much fear in their head that even holding their pencil just to shade the answer will make them nervous. It's natural for the first few minutes but remember things becomes more difficult if you think it is. So, if I were you, I will just inhale, take a deep breath and RELAX.

4. DO NOT ENTERTAIN OTHER THINGS IN MIND WHEN YOU TAKE THE EXAM. We have all problems, issues, concerns in our lives. Some people make things difficult for us and some are not happy if we will pass or they are putting us down but if we will not listen to them they cannot do anything to us. Remember you are untouchable. So do not waste your time thinking of thoughts that are not needed during the exam. Leave it in you house, in the garbage or just leave them for a while. You can go back to them anytime but not during the exam.

5. HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN PASS. If you pass the four years course, then the more you will pass the 2 days exam. But of course! you have to believe because if you think you can't then maybe you will not! but if you believe that you can make it, everything will happen as you think about it now! Remember it is you who is taking the exam so give yourself 100% power that Yes! you can make it!

All of these, are quite positive motivation because as always I believe that a negative person will attract negative energy. But, it doesn't mean the word failure doesn't exist. Yes! Sometimes we really failed in an exam but it doesn't mean we failed as person. So also put what if????? question in your head. But my answer is if we fail now, we can still try next time, (IT'S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!)anyway, exams are just exams and these are not the only measurement of our worth and capacities as a person. But for you not to be afraid of failure just remember that God is always there to help you after you failed. SO NO WORRY.(Hakuh na matata)

How I wish all of those who take the review now will pass the board this time or even top!!! like last year. I will honestly be very happy to see students achieving their dreams and be like us Social Workers.

So to all Good luck!!! Udacha in Russian!!! Gambatte kudasai in Japanese!!! Kayang! kaya! nyo nyan!!!! God Bless!!

One more thing. Don't forget to Pray.

Beautiful Reflections about Love

This is an excerpt from the Coffee Table book entitled "About Women" I've found this very meaningful reflections about Love. I just want to stop thinking about others things aside from research and program development.

It says that there is a mystery which lies at the very heart of love both human and divine. Every couple who decided to knit their two hearts into one, touch this mystery in a very special way. This mystery is love's issues - the daily question lovers must pose to each other "what would you have, that you give me your pain or that I share with you my joy?" "How one must bleed to make that choice. For either way means giving up part or even all of oneself. Christ did not just share our pain. In his dying, he took all our pain upon himself. We wouldn't have the joy of the resurrection were it not for that. This gives the lead to rediscovering love, to rediscovering life. We do not discover and rediscover love and life unless we know how to lift the pain from "the other" and make it our own, and then know how to turn this into joy. This is beautifully expressed in the marriage ritual which exhorts couples "Sacrifice is difficult; only love can make it easy; and perfect love can make it a joy". Everytime we gaze at the bleeding heart of Christ, we are reminded of the Christian dialectic of love and pain. Love cannot grow without pain. For one truly loves, here is the measure of sacrifice. The only measure of love is to love without measure

What's in Teaching for me? (WTFM)

To be really honest after I left Davao for De La Salle I have packed some negative feelings like discouragement, frustration, humiliation and there was a time that I hated my so called teaching job.

What's in my head only at that time was to leave and find my own niche.

There was this thinking that I am just wasting my time in a very small and boring corner of the world and that is the University where I was spending that last five years of my life.

I know that all these thoughts were quite irrational and maybe at that time they're just product of my very strong emotion.

But now, when I have nothing to do but remembering my past since I have enough time for recollection. I can say that teaching was indeed one of the noblest profession if not the most demanding one.

The time you've spent in preparing lessons, exams, quizzes and then checking students work and then thinking of better strategies to motivate your students in order for them to learn actually requires not only monetary rewards but as a teacher you must have dedication.

When I was still teaching my life seems so routinary which is what I really don't like about it. My class normally started at seven in the morning and then normally I went home late at night. I almost forgot that I was breathing.

I observed that teachers only have break time when they will re-touch their make-up, check their stockings and see to it that you really look good in the eyes of their students.

In a day, I need to meet three hundred fifty people because I have seven subjects in a day.

Well, my entry into the academic world was just an accident and never been part of my career plan because by profession I was not a teacher. So when I began teaching I have difficulty in making adjustment with a world that I was not really trained on how to play my role but to my great surprised there were also people who graduated with education degree who also do not know what to do.

It's the reason why at first I want to escape after I was hired by the University for one-year and I decided to volunteer in Kazakhstan because at that time I really feel a need a break from a robot life. I find it awkward that I was the youngest among the faculty members and it is hard dealing with old people. At the same time, I realized that teacher must know a lot which I think at 23, I am still a very neophyte professor. I also do not finish any masteral degree which add to my insecurity as a teacher.

Indeed, I have a break! but it seems that wherever I go, teaching was part of the air that I breathed. Even in Kazakhstan, I was asked to teach in Shukan Valihanuv University and we offered a crash course in Social Work. This time it is more difficult because I need to teach first my interpreter before we can give lessons.

There are times, I am convinced that I was meant to be in the teaching career because whether I tried to escape there are many opportunities that calls for me to teach.

My recollection will start when I was working as volunteer teacher at Paginhawaan Drop-In Center where my students were street children. Giving them basic lessons on how to write, count, sing, and dance was the first job that I really fall in love. Until I decided to work as street educator, we bring education to the streets of San Pedro and our school was in the Park. In this job, I discovered so much from the kids and enhance my creativity. It's the happiest period of my life.

I think the most difficult task given to me was when I was teaching Badjao's Mothers Class. My students were mothers of Badjao children who cannot even recognize the existence of Alphabet. It's the primary reason why despite of so many livelihood projects given to them still, this will not alleviate their condition because they do not have basic skills like reading and counting. But who will you blame? Where, I can see everyday that what they eat was just "cassava" and how they understand english alphabet if the words are stranger to them.

But those years with the Badjao and conducting street education were more meaningful to me. Teaching people who honestly do not learn anything and striving to know something was the real essence why teachers exist.

I am sad to know that in the University most of the students were actually not doing their work and they're just contented with cheating. For me, the Badjaos and and street kids were more better than them. Some students who came to the classroom but do not know why they are there. They do not have goals to learn. "Mga Kwanggol!"

But I still love teaching. I love my students although there were times that I hurt them but that it's definitely my expression of love. It is better for me to be honest than to be popular. Some of them hate me or love me but I don't care! It is better for them to be hurt just to learn, I know I will be immortal in their memory. The worst thing that a teacher can be is that her/his students do not appreaciate her/his existence.

I know that for those that I hurt, I give them a life-time legacy that there is someone who will tell straight into their face "what you do is not really good".

I think teachers were here because they are given the task to train which not all people were given the same opportunity. It's the privilege given only to those who hold the red ballpen.

Now, when I heard stories of my former students doing good in their own field, I was inspired, at least my time then was not really wasted. If they will be very successful in their life then I will be more inspired.

At least, I just want to prove to myself that am not wasting my time.

Happy Catholic Teachers Day!

Reflections for Women

This week, I was surprised with two women friends who shared to me their frustrating experiences with men.

The first one, received a news that her former lover allegedly hacked her email add and sending e-mails to her friends entitled "I'm a slut" actually I've got that e-mail and even if I was not the subject of this e-mail but the message is truly humiliating.He mentioned about this girl promiscuity and that she's having relationship with a drug user and then other bad words. While reading I can emphatized with that friend too because I can relate to her situation because once,I also received a very bad comment in my friendster spreading some bad words about me even up to this time, that person who wrote it (was still in my memory) although, I forgive him but I never forget that there are men who can do that to women,out of their frustration they will spill bad words about you.

The other friend was also frustrated because she received an insult from a guy regarding her physical look. That quite disturb her because the words were quite humiliating and so early in the morning, I've got her phone call sharing how bad she feels about it.Sometimes,some guys are like that, they expect us to be like their supermodel dream girl and then put you in a situation when sometimes you feel that you do not worth anything. What is horrible is they do not look at themselves first before they will compare you or maybe they need to check if what they compared to you is really comparable. Sometimes, they forget that you are an apple and they compared you to lemon.

Anyway, their experiences may not be totally happy and I think everyone who were once hurt can relate to that. Once in our life we are humiliated, insulted and even disgraced. Some people do that maybe consciously or unconsciously but maybe those kind of men need sometime to reflect. What I can only say, it is good that they revealed themselves before they can destroy everything including our self worth.

So for this edition, I want to share some e-mails that I also considered truly inspiring. I hope we will always think that regardless of what they say to us, we are still the same person with value and if other people don't think that we have that, it doesn't matter after all we are not oblige to prove ourselves to them.


To all the special women I know ...

In April 2007, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.

And there on television she said it was "exciting."

Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day...like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist first.

The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!

Maya Angelou said this:
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."


"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."

"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."

"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."

"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."


"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."

"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."

"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

***********

THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a
warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and
all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war and
doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet, wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and
a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

My Version versus emicversion

My version is basically a personal account of the things that is going on with my life. It's opening myself to the world of critisms and as well as of reality. Actually, it is a personal attempt to be understood since I've heard stories about me which is quite biased and it comes to my head like if people can create stories about me (well, I can also do that!). Actually, I have revealed myself by writing my life story in Canada which you can click on Stories from Asia at www.tgmag.ca. I think writing about oneself is a journey towards intrapersonal understanding and a wonderful experienced of self-discovery when I go back to my blogs I realized my thoughts and who am I? on that day so I started to write blog entitled "my version" in my friendster account which is a storage of personal stories, feelings and realization that I have went through at that time leaving my work in a not so good situation and leaving my hometown and dealing with loneliness in a new place (far away from home and meeting new people and then adjustment to lifestyle and environment. It is also a sort of diary because I find online writing more accessible and also a self narrative on what is happening with me? My version carries so much emotions of hate, longing, love and of course fun and wonderful things that happened last 2008 which is very therapeutic for me for it heals my "inner self" because I think in my life I have so much things to heal in my interpersonal and intrapersonal relationship. Although, I do not think that I will not write anything about myself now in "emicversion" but I think this will be more of a social science approach (so to speak) because of course, those who will get access to blogs are not only my friends who can understand me and my crazy soul but even unknown people (like beautiful strangers).

"emicversion" is a product of all the things I have learned all through this year.Although, sometimes I wonder if there is anything "new" that I have learned? or do I really learned new things at all? but as they always said as you keep on learning you have just realized that by the time you think "you know" it's also the time you know that "you do not know". Although this may not be purely scholary in it's writing or in it's form since I never considered myself a scholar or academic person even up to this time I can still put myself in the eyes of a street child, a stranger, a culture-schock person and like a wandering jew sometimes but basically this will deal on my experiences as former volunteer street educator (working with street children and child labor project for five years under the ILO-IPEC (Internatinal Labor Organization, International Program for the Elimination of Child Labor) which brought me to Canada in 1997 to speak about my experience as child labor advocate, and also my encounter with the street kids and my life before as a street educator and a house parent. It will also revisit my practice as a social worker in the City Social Services for Development Office for three years working with abused children and women, preparing case studies, providing counseling and filing cases in court and my close encounter with the Badjao community. Actually, I have written account in my journal but even if it is not within me the experience is like a memory chip that I can insert it anytime in my head and I will have "memory walk". I also want to share stories from my life as social work/social science teacher for four years in the University in which some of these stories I already related in previous "My version" blog. Moreover, my one-year experienced living in the former Soviet Union Country (Kazakhstan) which I considered to be a life-changing experienced and my present endeavor now in my studies here in MAHESOS program will be included here. I want to share some of the papers we have written regarding subjects on Community Organization, Gender and Sexuality, Population Studies, Health and Economics, Biological and Social Foundations of Health and other important information which can be useful to anyone interested to learn about our world. Welcome to Social Science!

As much, as I wanted not to touch on personal writing but sometimes unconsciously my personal biases will put flavor in the subject which makes it really authentic. Before, I was thinking to stop blogging but because of some positive feedback from my friends and students that they like to read blogs from me, so I decided to continue publishing blogs this is only in the spirity of sharing for I never think that I am really a writer as I've shifted from my AB Language Literature Course in University of Southern Philippines to Social Work, I was thinking I cannot write anything worthy enough to read but because of their request, I am partly encourage and grateful as well for positive feedback. Anyway, I find this work rewarding at this moment and challenging as well. This will partly lessened my boredom of thinking when will the semester ends or when will I will stop studying because I really wanted to work. But somehow, I think writing is just part of me, given a chance to do nothing on earth but to write and read for sure I will have fun with that work but as they said when you want to be writer you need to go out in the field and live your life and then write. Just for the meantime, through, blogging, I forgot that the clock is ticking and that there is an element of time, what I only realized there is an element of space in which I can write my thoughts, ideas, opinions and share my personal space and this my emicversion.

That its a free and big world! Let's conquer this space.

BA BE BI BO BO!!!

One of my student before asked me "Mam why are we more better in English than in Filipino?" then I replied because we only had few Filipino language subjects than in English. Then, when we speak in English it sounds like we are more intelligent than when we speak in Filipino. Although, I don't really believe in it! I don't agree that if we speak good english we are more intelligent than those who can't because there are students who are soo good in numbers but not good in english like my engineering students who will have headache when I asked them to answer essay questions but it's just that there are more words in this language that we can used everyday than in Filipino because my first language is not Tagalog. I can also recall that even Filipino teachers in elementary their accent is still not in Tagalog but Bisaya which for me is really ironic. Maybe it will be better if they teach more words in bisaya than in tagalog. What happens then is we combined Tagalog and Bisayan words like "Isang kan-on at isang sud-an , magkano tanan?" Even now that I am in Manila and most of the time, I speak Tagalog there are still some words that I discovered like warde-warde, hinaharot, and what else? that's quite new to my head and still I do not master the language. well, for sure most filipinos had a problem with this.

"Gusto ko mang pangyamanin ang kaalaman ko sa Filipino" sounds like no one around me are interested to help, I think that is the advantage of those who study in UP because they are more in touch with the language. There are even books that they published in Tagalog but on the other hand I am also thinking like "Di man gani ko hawod sa Bisaya samot nasa Tagalog,(I am not even good in bisaya the more with tagalog) ha!ha!ha!". But of course, I am not also good in english (although, when I was in Canada one of the canadian asked me where did you learned your english? which is strange! but i think it is good for me that i am not good in english because it is hard to study russian if your mind was full with english because you have to turn into 360 degrees (but studying russian is also terrible! i can recall that in order to say hello or zdrasvuytye took me 3 months to pronouce it well, (eta nyet kharoshi! patamosha ya ne mago gavaret minoga slava, mozhit bit ya nada pratikavat) but at least i get over it after 3 months with my motivation of not relying too much with interpreter.

But I don't intend to sounds like real British nor Russian. I realized that only English People can be more fluent in their language we can just borrow their expressions like "What bloody day!" because if we really want to be like British it seems like we are just parrotting.

Anyway, I hope there will more better ways of teaching Filipino which will make a student more interested to learn the language maybe it will be better for the Filipino teachers to be more creative like "sa saliw ng tambol" a teacher will use dances or music like "palit-awit" but I think most Filipino teachers are more concern with grammar which is really boring.

For me,tagalog songs are more romantic than in english. I remember my Russian interpreter said if I write poems "I can only express it in Russian because my soul speaks". I salute the Russians for their love of their language and recalling eight hours of poem reading with them made me think, how idiot i am because I feel sleepy but I think that will really test once patience i only experience one night of poem reading here when I am still working with Mam Malou (my artist friend) who invited me once in artist night. But In Kazakhstan, concert means listening to poem readings so better prepare your patience or else? maybe you can utter the words "Shut up! i don't want to hear this blah,blah, blah, he,he,he.

Well, I think that's the reason that I cannot find my soul because I can neither find my language like where I am good at Mandaya, Bisaya, Tagalog, Ilonggo, English or Russian.

I have to look for it but i am scared that the answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE! You are just good with Ba, be, bi, bobo!

Remembering SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

I have a case handled last 2005 during my clinical practice for my Master in Social Work. It's the case of a 27 year old, female student who delivered a baby and after three weeks the baby died. The cause of the infant's death was lack of oxygen and malnutrition and because the mother had hypertension when she was pregnant.

After her baby's death the mother keeps on crying and experienced extreme depression due to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).

During my counseling session with her she keeps on telling me how she feels guilty about the death of her child and that no one should be blamed for the baby's death except she.

She recalls how she carried the child in her womb and how irresponsible she was at the that time.

I've spent half of the semester working with her and kept on listening to her stories repeated again and again. Most of the time she kept crying during our session for she cannot forgive herself.

She said that she kept her pregnancy hidden because she's scared to mention about this to her teacher because we already mentioned that it is not advisable that you are pregnant if you are a student. On my part at that time, I also feels guilty like it seems the rules are more important than life.

According to her, there are nights that she cannot sleep because in her dream she can see her child talking to her.

There are nights that she send text messages to me expressing her fear and grief over the child's death.

At that time, it is hard to emphatize with her but going back to that experienced right now, I can put my two shoes in her. I can feel now how difficult it is to be on her side and things was more clear to me.

If you lose a child there was a part of you that is taken away. Something that is very essential and you have no choice but to cry over it again and again but even if you will keep on doing it what remains is only the pain.

How you wish the SEED will grow but despite of that some seeds meant to die.

Maybe the soil was not yet ready. Maybe the caretaker as well. If the seed will grow in the wrong soil for sure it will just turn to be a bad crop.

Up to now, she still texting me but now she continues with her studies graduating soon in March. Her experienced made her stronger hopefully she was healed as she said.